July 5: Body Image


July 5: Body Image

Before having this surgery, I could look at the largest person on earth and think I was as big or bigger. I knew somewhere in my brain that I was fatter than anyone else. I wasn't true, of course, but that was my image of myself.

Now, I am surprised that I can wear much smaller sizes. It is beginning to sink in when I get a glimpse of myself in a store window. The biggest surprise, and I hope this comes out right, is that I am now noticing how many fat people there are out there! I do NOT mean that I feel superior or better or that I am putting anyone down. I simply and honestly only noticed the fit, slim people that I so envied. I am not quite one of them yet, but I can now see that there are people out there who are bigger than I am. I had this surgery because of the health problems I had, weight being just one of them. Until now, I didn't actually realize how much of an influence my weight and body image had on my outlook on life in general. Anytime I would get an invitation to an event like a wedding, my first thought was, "How much weight can I lose before then?" Now, I am excited to go, and I feel like I look "normal" now. Having pictures taken no longer causes fear. I no longer make sure I am in the back of a group. This surgery may not be the cure to every problem in the world, but I am happy now to be "normal" and someday I'll be average or slim or athletic. For now, normal is pretty darned good.



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