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Week after surgery in High Point

5/2/2005

I am struggling…MENTALLY, not physically! I am dreaming about food. I had a dream that the pizza guy came to my door and I was dressing and could not get to the door fast enough. He left and I ran after him. I was chasing him down my neighborhood street in my pajamas. How crazy is that. I cry when a food commercial comes on TV. But the funny thing is, that I am not physically hungry at all. But lets be honest here, I don’t think fat people are ever really physically hungry. Being obese is a mental issue, most of the time. These few days, after I left the hospital have been real eye opening to me. I have seen up close, just how incredibly bad I used food. I used it for something to do when I was bored; I used it to make me happy when I was sad or mad. I planned my days around it…literally, I thought about what I was going to have for breakfast and lunch right when I got up every day. The dinner thing was always healthy and balanced. I have two children, ages 7 and 14, both girls that I am bound and determined that they will not use food like I have.

Now, sitting in this hotel room, there is not a whole lot to do, watch TV, read, sleep and go shop, so I am thinking, what have I done? I saw lots of buffets that I could be eating at instead of sitting here waiting for my post-op visit. One of the bad but great things about this surgery is that you feel so “normal” afterwards and want to go do things, which you can but you get tired and are kind of weak. But I am always on the go, so to sit around the hotel; it was hard for me and boring. And I am a big boredom eater. I was on an emotional roller coaster to say the least.

My post-op finally rolled around. My littermate went first so I anxiously waited. When it was my turn, the PA and Debbie asked how I was doing and I literally broke down crying. Not sure why I broke down, but they immediately wrote me a prescription for the patch. It was time for weigh-in and I was down 14 lbs. I made them do it again, I was sure that there was a mistake. Nope, 14 lbs. GONE! I broke down again! OMG, for the first time, I see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel that I always hear everyone else talk about. Finally, it is my turn!

Shortly after weigh-in we attended the post-op/pre-op clinic, there were more people at this clinic than my pre-op clinic and it was Dr. Walsh conducting it. Dr. Dasher had conducted my pre-op clinic and performed my surgery. I enjoyed Dr. Walsh’s presentation and people had lots of questions.

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