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First Week Home

5/3/2005

Oh goodness, where do I begin, I guess I would start by saying, I AM A BASKETCASE and yet I AM SO EXCITED! Can you be two things like that all at once? Well, I am. I cried about food today, like someone had just lost a family member. I swear, I have done a lot of crying in my days, but at no time in my life, do I ever remember crying like that. I am mourning food. I feel like an addict going through withdraw. I am screaming on the inside, please just let me have a little food to get me through and I promise that tomorrow I will be okay. But I can’t, and thank goodness for that. This is unlike any diet I have ever been on before. I could have never ever done what I have done for the past two weeks on a regular diet, I would have quit the minute I had my first dream, and then I would have started over, then again and again and again! But you can’t cheat on this; you can’t fall off the wagon. I am so glad now that I am experiencing the pain of losing food. I believe that you have to go through this process and really discover how much you have abused the food and how unhealthy your relationship with food has become. Now, I don’t like these feelings, I don’t like feeling desperate. But I am strong, I can do this, it is going to change my life and make it better in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine yet. I have to keep remembering my inspirational words that someone said, “life with food doesn’t end after MGB surgery, it just becomes normal!” Gosh, how that calms me down.

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